Goal #1: Dont wait around for things to happen

i keep setting myself up for such long falls, i guess i should make realistic goals because these weird feelings of hope that i have really hurt when the obvious not gonna happen becomes the truth.

im gonna move on, away from the people who i set myself with to let me down.

Goal #1: Dont wait around for things to happen

worst part of my day

finding out that he never liked me as much as i liked him. and to make it worse? i still care...

My sorry ass apology

i guess i should stop blaming others for the bad in my life, like one of my friends stated, your the one bringing in the drama and i am and i hate it.

I have always broken up with guys because something was wrong with them or something they did but i guess I'm just a picky nit-picker. or i might have just subconsciously dumped the guys i was dating because i knew that they would have done it to me sooner or later.

i dunno, i feel like most of the relationships that I've been in have mostly been about sex, i mean i don't do this intentionally but that's just how it always ended up and was usually the reason. It always made me feel like crap when i knew that that was the only reason i was around or worth dating. sure some guys say that its not about the sex and sex is not important but i think its important-not that we should do it but the fact that having/not having sex.

i really don't want to start my next relationship based on all of this. i don't want to feel worthless anymore. i have been a great girlfriend and i feel like the way i have been treated by my ex were so demeaning.

i don't want to stop believing that there is someone out there who will love me for me.

thinking about celibacy but I'm not sure. I just don't want to be in a relationship where sex or sex-related activities are the main focal points of the relationship.

I guess i am just saying sorry to myself for letting go of my own standards and letting guys treat me like crap.

Wow I can not believe that's it's back to this part of the road. Arghhh I feel like every two years I reconnectnwith my ex and all the work that I put into forgetting my feelings for him come rushing back. I swear if this is pike some preview of it life for the next 5 years then I'm officially screwed. I'm not sure anymore if I didn't love him when I think about him all the time. I've lied to myself and I've lied to others when I said I didn't care about him as a boyfriend.

Just searching for the place to blog..

So I was unfreaking believely out of my mind bored this last 5 hours with a dead cell phone, a broken house phone and zero car, that i needed to vent somewhere and this idea of a blog just creeped into my mind.

Now im not taking this into some weird IM GONNA MAKE A GABILLION DOLLARS TALKING ABOUT MY SHIITTY LIFE ON THIS BLOG type of idea or start networking to make because that is what my ex is doing. I just need a place to talk about my day so i dont end up bitching about it to everybody else in my house, BUT if you like to read about how my life is/was then :) go on ahead.

Now it was iffy when i search the web for a place to blog, there were like a zillion people posting and commenting about what blogging site are the "best" or have the most people but im like WTF man? who cares? i certainly dont.

This is my Therapy and i guess people acutally reading this can be like...my therapist? lol